Two Simple Principles That Will Change Your World
— In this Article —
Ownership and integrity. These two principles have the potential to transform your life in every - and I mean every - area. I encourage you to read this post from a place of openness and curiosity—of how it could relate to your circumstances.
[Note that this post was inspired by something I heard Steve Chandler say at one point…or maybe it came from something he published in one of his books (which are FANTASTIC!). Either way, I just want to give credit to this amazing human!]
The principle of ownership
In this context, ownership means taking responsibility for (or ownership of) your life experience.
It's adopting the motto: Life happens for you, not to you.
It's finding the lesson to be learned or the gift to be uncovered in every situation.*
It's viewing challenges or setbacks as opportunities.
And it's the antidote to victimhood, where life happens to you.
*This doesn’t mean bypassing the (clean) pain of a situation or taking responsibility for other’s actions. We’ll explore these things momentarily.
The opposite of ownership is victimhood.
A victim thinks in terms of "should."
"I should do [insert something they're avoiding]."
Or, "This shouldn't be happening."
But an owner thinks in terms of "would" or "could."
"What would my Higher Self/Future Self/Soul do in this situation?"
Or, "What lesson could I learn from this to make my life better?"
Many people adopt the victim role, at least situationally.
They bemoan their circumstances, distract themselves from their lives, or live in "the shoulds."
And yet they rarely recognize this in themselves, preferring denial and residing in victimhood rather than moving into ownership. Why?
Because being an owner of your life means that you're responsible for how it turns out.
Note: BEing victimized is to be violated and is a totally different beast. If you have been victimized and are feeling triggered by this post, I invite you—if it feels better—to choose to describe yourself as a survivor rather than a victim. This can offer a subtle yet powerful shift to help you reclaim the dignity that was stolen from you…and to help you move forward.
Try this to help you move from victimhood to ownership.
We are remarkable storytellers, at least to ourselves. It's amazing, in fact, just how elaborate our stories are and the lengths we'll go to both believe and protect them! AND yet, we can swap out our disempowering inner narratives as quickly as we developed them, should we so choose.
Here's one way to move from victimhood to ownership.
1 - Start with a thought that's steeped in victimhood. Now, condense it down to a short sentence and keep your feelings out of it. Bonus points if you include the word should.
Example: my boss should have promoted me.
If you were a client, I'd be all over doing The Work (by Byron Katie) with you. But let's keep this simple and succinct.
2 - Take your simplified thought and rephrase it so that it means the opposite.
Example: my boss shouldn't have promoted me.
3 - Now, find three examples that make this statement true.
4 - Next, take your simplified thought and turn it into an "I" statement.
Example: I should have promoted me.
5 - Now, find three examples that make this statement true.
There are many iterations to this. Byron Katie calls these turnarounds, and some will be challenging to work with. So, get creative!
6 - Notice which turnarounds offered you insights.
If you're anything like me, you've likely let go of your original, victim-steeped thought. If you haven't, try doing The Work in its entirety, as Byron Katie lays out beautifully here.
Here’s another way to move from victimhood to ownership.
Another way to move from victimhood to ownership is to simply decide to do so. Seriously! Once you make this decision, you'll want to pay close attention to your thoughts and words. Yes, you'll backtrack. Probably a lot. The key is to recognize it when you do and then consciously decide again to swap victimhood for ownership.
On bypassing, victim-blaming, and Law of Attraction BS…
One final note is that this post and these exercises are absolutely NOT about victim-blaming or bypassing anything that it would behoove you to process. Like, if you get fired, I'm not suggesting that you "find the gift" while fighting back tears in your (now ex) boss's office, then trying to ‘love and light’ it all away so that you can transcend the raw, unprocessed pain of your experience. FUCK THAT. This is never intended to be any sort of weird Law of Attraction mental masturbation.
In a situation like this, please give yourself full permission to GRIEVE and process your feelings, to surrender. And when you're ready to move on, ask for the lesson or gift. If you were in a toxic work environment, the gift is probably pretty obvious. Just saying.
[Note: if you experienced something truly horrendous, it may feel more aligned to ask for how you can grow from the experience (or some iteration of that) rather than to ask for the lesson or gift.]
Once you've become the owner of your life experience, you've taken a crucial step towards creating a life that's going to set your spirit on fire and radically change things for the better.
Now, let's look at the second principle.
The principle of integrity
When I say integrity, I'm not talking about being honest with others or honoring your word, though I hope you do both. Rather, I'm talking about living in integrity with who you truly are.
This means you do what your Higher Self, future Self, true nature, Soul—whatever word lands best—would do in any given situation.
Let's talk about BEing.
Who are you, deep down, beneath all that cultural and familial conditioning? You know, at your essence? BEing is all about reconnecting with her/him/they.
Another way to approach BEing is to ask yourself who you want to be in this situation (or in life!) and then become that person.
Caveat: you'll need to discern that who you want to become is in alignment with who you truly are. If it's not, you'll go places that aren't meant for you, which means your life won't be nearly as fulfilling, joyful, and liberating as it could be.
So, discernment is important, and the next section will help you to discern what's aligned and what's not.
Let’s re-evaluate decision-making.
Forget the pros and cons lists when you're trying to make a decision. Those keep you in your head, and as the saying goes, the mind makes a wonderful servant but a terrible master.
Instead, take a walk without trying to solve your problem. Or meditate. Or—my absolute favorite—take a journey to meet your future Self (that link will take you to a free guided journeying meditation to do just that). Or journal the answer to your question with your non-dominant hand. Or ask your spirit guides or wise and well ancestors for help.
The goal is to connect you to your creativity or otherworldly channel instead of to your intellect.
Combining these principles to change your life
Taking ownership of your life from a place that's out of integrity with who you truly are will certainly create change. But fulfillment, tranquility, and joy won't be coming along for the ride.
Similarly, living in integrity with who you truly are but retaining a victim mindset is a direct path to disappointment, as you will still face painful moments...without uncovering their gifts. [One could argue, of course, that if you truly are living in integrity with your soul, there’s no room for you to also retain a victim mindset.]
It's when you adjust your paradigm by applying the principles of ownership and integrity that your life will change. Probably both radically and quite magnificently.
Final thoughts
This post has a different tone than my other posts and is, admittedly, a bit preachy. But it flowed out of me so fast and with nearly zero resistance that I didn't want to change it. I rarely experience this enviable state of flow, so I figured I must be onto something!
Take what you like and leave the rest. And, if this post speaks to you deeply, consider booking a zero-pressure exploratory Wayfinding call with me. Because these are some of the things we do when we Wayfind, and they'll fucking change your life.
That is all.
I’m Kristi Amdahl—a certified Wayfinder Master Coach and Women’s Circle Facilitator.
I’m passionate about YOU living in integrity with who you truly are. I remember feeling restless because my soul was guiding me down one path while my family (and culture) expected me to stay on theirs. In the end, I chose to live in integrity with my soul. Though my decision upset my family, following my soul’s call liberated me and changed the trajectory of my life. So now, I help feminists, rebels, and old souls like you tap into your own inner GPSs and live in integrity with your souls. Click here to learn how Wayfinder Coaching can help you navigate change, ‘find’ your purpose, and create deeper inner alignment.
