I’m Freaking Livid, & it Actually Feels Quite Liberating
I can’t think of the last time I actually flipped someone the bird, but just finding this stock photo felt immensely gratifying! But of course, dear reader, this is not targeted at you…unless you’re POTUS or his cronies.
— In this Article —
I received a newsletter the other day from a friend who shared that her aim was to raise her vibration this year and avoid anything unpleasant that might lower it.
My knee-jerk reaction was to note (to myself) that it takes a lot of privilege to be able to 'love and light' away societal ills that have very real repercussions on billions of people world-wide, not to mention millions of her fellow Americans.
‘Loving & lighting’ away atrocities is an ugly privilege.
I know her story enough to not necessarily fault her—she has won the proverbial 'life lottery' in many ways—but her email left an unpleasant taste in my mouth.
Because I'm fucking livid as I watch Trump burning our world to the ground. And there ain't no way in hell that I'm about to gaslight myself and the people who are bearing the brunt of his unhinged policies—namely (but not exclusively), people of color—by bypassing 'dark' emotions that bubble up when I witness atrocities. Because I’m not living in a bubble in this highly interconnected world (despite the fact that I don’t watch tv or use social media), they ICE raids in particular are impossible to ignore even if I wanted to. Which I don’t.
In the Conclusion of Rebecca Traister's Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women's Anger (a New York Times bestseller), she states:
"[W]hile I was pouring some of that fear—and all of my anger—into this project, I realized that I had begun to sleep well and deeply at night; I had wanted to exercise more than I ever had before. My appetite was healthy; I was communicating well with the people I loved; I was having great sex...there had been something about spending my days and nights immersed in anger—mine and the anger of others—that had been undeniably good for me...It seemed to fly in the face of everything I had ever been taught about fury's ill-effects on the human body, things I had believed to be true...I returned again and again to a proclamation made by Elizabeth Cady Stanton, nearly two centuries earlier, that 'if women would indulge more freely in vituperation, they would enjoy ten times the health they do. It seems to me they are suffering from repression.'"
DAMN.
Normally, I'm introspective and calm and (I hope!) mirror the peace I normally feel inside. But a recent potent coaching conversation tapped me into my anger, and there ain't no putting it back.
My friend, I’m fucking enraged.
Enraged at capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy primarily and plenty of other systems of oppression—like all of them! They all have a front row seat at my anger party.
Here's the thing—and this aligns with Traister's statements: I don't feel poisoned by my rage; I feel liberated by it. More wildly alive than before.And yet, this wild aliveness seems to be a blend of my staying grounded in love (better described as fierce love) and my anger. I still occasionally grapple internally with loved ones who blame the poor for being poor, support MAGA, and would rather cut welfare checks (aka subsidies) to the rich than to a single impoverished mother. Like, I LOVE THEM AND YET SOME OF THE THINGS THAT THEY STAUNCHLY DEFEND SICKEN ME.
So here's how I'm navigating things as a Wayfinder…
I've engaged my creativity and voice. In this case, it means I've joined a women's writing circle, where I've been very open about my sentiments in the writing I'm sharing with these sisters.
I've moved into deeper integrity. For example, I made some tweaks to my website to convey my sentiments and pave the way to deepen my focus there on the rottenness of capitalism, etc.
I've gotten curious. When a right-wing family member recently made an incredibly ignorant comment about homeless people choosing their predicament, I used this as an opportunity to reflect on how I might I hold anger towards their ignorance, without trying to change them, and while loving them for who they are (sans mental gymnastics).
I've rekindled my meditation practice. This is when I’m often shown the next step because I’m an open sponge; I’m witnessing rather than controlling; I’m connected to my soul and the collective consciousness and love.
I’ve committed to giving a few dollars every single time to the refugee mother who waits by the exit of the grocery store. For far too long, I felt awkward by her presence, as avoiding her gaze diminished her humanity and meeting it opened me to her suffering…and my own. But when I started sharing a little with her, I could look her in the eye and hold a moment of space for her humanity and suffering (and gratitude, though that’s never the point) without absorbing it.
I’m educating myself more deeply on mutual aid networks and alternatives to capitalism. Though I lived and breathed this stuff back in 1999-2002, my life since then has been far more cush, even during my most challenging times. My intention is to once again ‘find my people’ and contribute, though I haven’t found them yet.
Now circling back to you, friend…
What is your relationship with the so-called 'darker' emotions like anger?
Do you allow yourself to truly feel your anger? Or, do you 'love and light' it away?
Do you feel poisoned by your anger, or do you feel empowered by it? Or something else entirely?
Does anger or being angry scare you?
What might it look like to embrace your anger? To hold space for it? To speak it? To write it?
How might your life change if you were to do these things?
Perhaps you are already ‘great’ at expressing your anger, so perhaps these questions don't so much apply. If this is your story, the question I'll leave you with is whether you're channeling your anger in a way that empowers (rather than depletes or poisons) you?
That is all.
Hey! I’m Kristi—a Wayfinder Master Coach and Women’s Circle Facilitator.
I’m committed to helping fed up feminists like you navigate capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy from a place of empowerment and deep inner alignment. I serve humans—mostly women—who yearn to ‘be the change’ and seek support from someone who truly gets it.
